“I’ve never been loved, the way I need to be loved.”
I hear this from so many people and I have to wonder… if we’re all looking for this love, why are we failing to find it? Are our wants and needs, unreasonable? Or are we just in a nightmare of miscommunication?
I think it’s the latter. I think we live in a society that teaches us that if someone loves us, they should know what we need, what we want… hell, they should be able to read our minds, but you know what? Even the most connected of people come to the table with so many of their own scars, so much of their own baggage, that we have a skewed way of looking at it.
So, How Do You Say I Love You?
The other day, I was having a deep conversation with a great friend and soul sister and we were talking about just this. She brought up the Five Languages of Love theory and we really talked about it. I was surprised by her preference and she was surprised by mine. It’s funny because you can tell a lot about what a person needs, usually by observing their behavior; but you really have to pay attention. You’ll get all kinds of clues.
So here are the proposed Five Languages of Love:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
We can certainly fall into more than one category, but the majority of us have a clear preference. Not sure what yours is? Here’s a quiz to help you out.
Interesting, isn’t it? How much time to we spend, trying to make our loved ones feel loved, using the method that makes us feel loved? What if we all talked about this and then did our best to express our affection in a way that’s meaningful to the person we’re expressing it to?
Let’s say I’m a “Physical Touch” involved with an “Acts of Service”. As a “Physical Touch” (PT), I tend to show my love in the way I’d like to receive it; hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc. However, the “Acts of Service” (AOS), doesn’t read the same way and may not get the message I’m trying to send. Once I start thinking about what the AOS needs, I can adjust my actions to make them feel cared for; cooking dinner, helping with a chore, whatever. And once I realize what their love language was, it becomes clear to me that an offer to wash my car, or replacing the dead battery, is their way of expressing affection.
Also, we need to tell our companions what we need in order to feel loved and appreciated. That doesn’t mean to hit them over the head with it, but a gentle discussion that says, “Hey, if you want to make me feel loved, this is the easiest path”, might do you both a world of good. Open, gentle, honest communication is the key.
I think that we tend to see the world through our own points of view and it may never even occur to someone that their language is different than yours.
So what’s your love language? Not sure? Take the test above and let me know how it goes for you. I’d love to have a dialogue about this!
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